After all, as much as I can see my relationship was a fairly textbook case of narcissistic abuse, I am aware that it is tempting to seek easy answers when a relationship breaks down. However, until a therapist can diagnose an absent partner as being a narcissist, support for narcissistic abuse will remain moored in the online world.
I know that now. But I do know one thing for sure: No one enjoys making mistakes, because having to live with guilt is arduous.
The three stages of dating a narcissistic man
But the good thing about it is that it serves as a bridge to the future. Erasing a mistake from the past erases a part of us from the present. Because the truth is, every failed decision is still a success. Instead of looking at the sum, we must look at the result. Regret is not meant to stay with us, or else it might destroy us—regret is meant to transform into lessons.
This is how much you knew. We must understand that this is how much we knew when we made a particular mistake.
The three stages of dating a narcissistic man – The beautiful struggle
Understanding our own ignorance opens the door to wisdom. Right feeling at the right time. What we felt at that moment was the right emotion. If we were faced with the same situation again, the same range of emotions might arise. But we can certainly trust it. Our past is the bridge to our present moment. What lies ahead and what lies behind are interdependent. One cannot exist without the other. A practice of self-love. Imperfection is perfection in itself. Through making mistakes, we learn how to forgive ourselves, which is the most imperative element of self-love.
You are not your mistakes. We usually identify ourselves with what we think or what we choose. But, decisions are only part of our lives, not our whole life. Bad things are prone to happen. Your life might never be perfect, but you can perfect how you perceive your life. This mistake does not define who I am or how my life will unfold.
It is but a stepping-stone in the journey of my life. Moving forward my life will be full of self-care, self-awareness, and self-love.
The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard
I will interact with people that have my best interests at heart and will listen to my intuition when it screams warnings at me of people that do not. While my narcissistic ex did not see my value or appreciate my inner light, I now have learned the irreplaceable value of figuring these out for myself. I am worthy of love both from myself and those around me. He is drawn to our beauty, kindness, and selfless nature because of his own emptiness. The narcissist will be attentive, generous, and impressive at first. He will charm us with compliments on every small detail giving us attention with such intensity that we believe he is our soulmate.
Enchanting promises will be made that make us feel alive and invincible, and he will spend exorbitant amounts of time with us. We will quickly be mesmerized and feel so exhilarated, adored, loved. Time together will dwindle, leaving us confused and craving any small amount of attention from him.
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We try to connect and share our accomplishments, but he will minimize our effort and make us feel inconsequential. We try to look beautiful for him, but the attention is gone. Intimate moments will leave us feeling used and insignificant. The partner who once made us feel like royalty is now making us feel insecure and needy. The partner who was affectionate is now a stranger. The narcissist has taken our power to feed his own warped ego. Our emotions felt heightened so intensely and quickly, and in a blur the table turned, leaving our head spinning.
We now feel blindsided, angry, and betrayed. So we are left constantly questioning what went wrong. We no longer feel a connection to him and wonder if the person devoid of all emotion is the same person we love.
We fear the happiness we remember was just a fabrication in our mind. They will breeze in and out of your life as if nothing ever happened, completely oblivious and indifferent to your suffering. This mind fuck is deliberate and they will keep feeding you crumbs of attention, just enough to keep you emotionally invested and available to cater to their every need. At some point one of two things will happen: It is almost baffling to watch the ease at which a Narcissist can pull away from his partners. Did I mean anything to him? No one means anything to him. Women are only a means to an end — to obtain the much needed Narcissistic Supply.
Once your usefulness has run its course, you will be discarded abruptly and cruelly, without warning. Trying to get over a relationship with a Narcissist is extremely difficult. Once it is over the target is usually an emotional wreck, whose self-esteem has been annihilated by the persistent demeaning behavior, insults and cruelty of the Narcissist. As a victim tries to pick up the pieces, What must be remembered is that you were deliberately targeted, lied to and manipulated by a skilled con-artist, for their own gain.
There was nothing you could have done differently and none of this was your fault.
- The 7 Startling Phases of Loving a Narcissist!
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The Narcissist will repeat this pattern with every person, every time, bar none. To enlighten and heal victims of Narcissistic abuse and Codependency.
Esteemology was created to help empower individuals, to build their self-esteem and make better relationship choices. Reading information like this helps me to understand and validate my experiences. I would ask that you make any future articles on NPD gender-neutral. Both females and males can have NPD.
The Minds Journal Youtube
It is very important that people from both genders be included as victims of abuse. All the best, Michael. You must be logged in to post a comment. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.